SMP

smp. the ever famous word para sa mga single na malungkot ngayong pasko, dahil mga walang lovelife.

pero, i define differently these letters. mala-alphabet weekend ba? hehehe

S for Single.

yeah, i may be single right now, and walang lovelife. but, that's okay. though may times talaga na i wish i have a boyfriend right now. hehehe. i'm getting older na, medyo nagugulahan na rin ako sa gusto kong mangyari about my life. am i really ready to be a member of singles for life? gusto kong magkaanak and magkaro'n ng asawa, especially ang ikasal. i have a dream wedding. but the problem is, ayokong magbuntis and manganak, i'm really scared about it. huhuhu

M for Masaya.

marami man akong worries lately, especially sa acads ko. i'm still overwhelmed with a lot of things, mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa akin, mga pangyayaring hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan, at mga taong mahal ako't mahal ako. sobrang saya ko talaga. sobra. no need na isa-isahin pa, basta i know in my heart na masya ako.

P for Pamilya.

it doesn't only refer to my bilogical family. marami akong pamilya at kapamilya. haist. i miss my parents and my relatives sa iriga. kumusta na kaya sila? miss ko na mga pinsan at pamangkin ko. bukas pag-uwi ko ng iriga, ang pamilya ko naman dito sa naga ang sobrang mamimiss ko. haist, pano na lang kaya pag sa malayo na ako, mas malala pa siguro ang mafifeel ko.

Maligayang Pasko sa inyo.

Let's celebrate the coming of Christ.

Spread love :)

Gonna miss my blog.

I'll be back sa 2011 with a lot of new posts.

hugs.

starting the alphabet

thanks for lending me the book.

started reading it.
done with the prologue.

done with A and B,
still in C,
hope to finish D, E, F...

until Z.

alphabet weekend.
wish to have my ABCs.

hugs :)

to give and not to count the cost

it all started with a treat.
i was with PintigNgPuso, dancingDJ, Santino, Engr.GC, and kuya jojo.
we had dinner at karlos, then proceed at Starbucks.
it was my first time at the place.
sofa. amoy ng kape. nagkukwentuhang magkakaibigan.
ilan lamang sa mga nakita ko sa lugar.

"friends are like snowflakes, all different and all beautiful."
- starbucks christmas
nakaagaw pansin. at muling napaalala ng isang blogpost ni PintigNgPuso.


isang masayang gabi...

nandyan ang F na grade sa jokes ni Santino.
mga banat ng isang bagong kakilala.
mga tanong tungkolsa puso ni PintigNgPuso.
business concerns with Engr.GC, pati na rin ang mga kwento niyang
kahit papano napapatawa si dancingDJ.
ang "to give and not to count the cost" na linya ni dancingDJ
na ilang beses inulit-ulit dahil lang sa sticker.

bottom line,
salamat sa treat,
at higit sa lahat...

salamat sa to give and not to count the cost moments with you.


isang gabing babaunin at itatago ng puso ko,
saan man pumunta. hugs :)

# 3, step 2

naiinis na ako sa facebook,
tanong ng tanong kung whats on your mind?
eh IKAW lang naman lagi ang nasa isip ko.

 ...banat ni bebeBir :)

how to SAVE YOUR HEART

SHOULD:

Never expect.

Never demand.

Never assume.

KNOW:

Your limits.

Where you stand.

Your role.

DON'T:

Get affected.

Get jealous.

Get paranoid.

Wait for his/her text.

JUST:

Go with the flow,

and stay happy.

simply for MAYA

Nakita ko lang ang picture.
Nagustuhan ko.
Ikaw ang naalala ko.

This is simply for you
MAYAngligaw...

hugs for you.
love lots.
mwaaah! :)

LOVEtalk

11/13/10 at 10:50 AM

Radio playing...

Why is it that all the songs I hear are about love? Are they telling me something? Or nagkataon lang? Don't know what to think. I told myself that I should start posting entries of happy thoughts, but I guess I'll just pretend with hat act, because it's not really what I feel.

The music says...

...Sometimes love isn't just enough.

Last night, I was watching Imortal (with my parents) when the thought of falling in love with someone crossed my mind.

What if I met someone special?

What if I commit myself to him?

What if I can't hold on to what I promised myself?

What if I commit the same mistakes I had before?

What if I might just hurt him?

What if I fail again?

Too many what if's...

I'm also afraid of what others will tell about me, na hindi ko kayang panindigan mga sinabi ko - na hindi na ako magboboyfriend, na hindi na ulit ako maiinlove, at tama sila na hindi ko talga kaya.

But no one can blame me. This is really what I feel. This is the truth behind every words I utter.

Once I had a heart-to-heart talk with Mr. Maurag, he asked me if I could share something about the past relationships I had. And so I did. It was a funny thing I forgot some important details (e.g. di ko na tanda sino pang4th ko, nalilito ako between my 4th and 5th boyfriend) Am I bitter or I just really forgot since forgetful na talaga ako lately?

This past few days I had a 'text' conversation with AmazingPillow and GreatWind. I told them of what I am into right now. We had a long exchange of ideas and opinions, but I'm still confused. And when they concluded about my situation, both of them said I'm in love with him.

I had a dinner with cutedevil, I shared the same 'burden'. Sometimes I'm hesitant sharing things about my love life to him because he always says the same things. That's why sometimes I doubt what I really feel for someone. But then in the end, he concluded too that I'm in love with him. He even added that the same thing is happening with this new close friend of mine.

In one of my classes last Tuesday, I listed some truth about me towards him. I showed them to GreatWind and KapitanMcDo. And again, they concluded that I'm in love with him. I also let checkered&violet read them, he had no idea of everything, but he concluded that the girl was bitter and martyr.

Last thursday night, I discovered something in my journal. I was shocked when I raed it. I really had forgotten about it.

Too much of this love talk, until next conversation.

Isang mahigpit na yakap para sa inyo.

10:07 in the evening of November 06, 2010

I texted 14 significant persons in my life. I asked them to choose between yes and no, without posing any questions. Only five replied yes. One said no, while someone's answer I considered yes. He said yes for it 's always better to try, mabuti na ang magtaya kaysa wala kang ginawa. She said no because I always say yes. He replied ...kung tigsasabi mo yan, 'di mas madadalian kang magdecide...barkada garu...

It has been bothering me for days already, akala ko okay na, hindi pa pala. I had an entry before entitled Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee Part 1. 'Di ko na siya nagawan ng part 2 for I never had time and reason to do such. Masakit sa'kin na nagkakaganito ako, kami? hindi ko alam. hindi ko na talaga alam. Everytime na nagrireminisce ako, lalo lang akong nasasaktan. lalo ko lang pinapahirapan ang sarili ko. Lalo ko lang bang niloloko ang sarili ko? pati siya?

 

mySAM sana mabasa mo 'to...

unexpected pagtatagpo ng landas natin bilang magkaibigan, at hindi lang basta acquaintance. Masaya ang mga araw na naksama kita. Napapangiti mo ako. Sabi ko nga, blessed ako to have you. At ganun ka rin sabi mo sa'kin. Lumipas ang mga araw, nanatili pa ring matibay pagkakaibigan natin. Lumipas ang mga buwan, unti-unting nagbabago ang lahat. pansamantala nga lang ba 'yon? Naalala mo, sabi ko sa'yo ako si Frodo, ikaw naman si Sam. Marahil tulad din ng nangyari sa kanila ang nangyari at mangyayari sa ating dalawa. Matibay ang samahan nila sa bawat landas na tinahak nila, pero sa huli nagkahiwalay pa rin sila. Frodo joined Bilbo, Gandalf, and the other elves for Grey Havens, while Sam returned to Shire, to his family, to where he belongs. Kung saan siya magiging masaya.

Hindi ko tinatapos ang pagkakaibigan natin, marami lang ang magbabago. 'Di na tulad ng dati. Wala ng jammings, wala ng bucket list, at wala na ring best pal. Mananatili tayong magkaibigan. Mananatili kang isang biyaya sa buhay ko. Salamat sa lahat.

Salamat sa pagasang ibinigay mo.

Marahil ito talaga ang tadhana nating dalawa.

Ang sanga'y tuluyan nang nabali.

the Grey Havens

Now that the Shire's brief police state was overthrown, the Hobbits rebuild the villages of the region. Sam opens the box Galadriel gave him and finds a small silver seed, which he plants. In the Party Field, a Mallorn springs up to replace the old tree that was cut down. Many children are born that year. Merry and Pippin become heroes in the Shire, but Frodo quietly retires. That spring, Sam marries Rose Cotton, Farmer Cotton’s daughter, and they live at Bag End with Frodo.

Frodo decides to travel to Rivendell to see Bilbo Baggins. Frodo entrusts to Sam a history of the War, written in part by Bilbo. Frodo, Sam, and others set out. As they enter the Woody End, they meet Elrond and Galadriel, who now wear two of the Three Elven Rings. Riding slowly behind the two elves is Bilbo himself. Sam and Frodo accompany the travelers to the Great Sea. When they reach the gates of the Grey Havens, they find Gandalf waiting for them. Beyond him is a great white ship, ready to sail to the West across the sea.

 

 

Pippin and Merry appear, wishing to be present at Frodo’s departure. Frodo sadly bids farewell to his three friends and boards the ship. Gandalf entreats the three hobbits to enjoy each other’s friendship as they quietly return to the Shire. Sam enters his warm home, where he finds Rosie waiting. She puts their young daughter, Elanor, in his lap, and Sam draws a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm back." 

 

This is the summary of Lord of the Ring's The Return of the King's ninth and final chapter. I decided to use this chapter to express myself.

talentadongCPA

I accidentally read his journal.
I mean, accidentally saw it, then intentionally read it.
It was just a simple notebook for one of his subjects.

I was bothered, touched, and amazed by his entries.
At first, I was laughing because of what I was doing.
Then, as I went on, I got serious.
The entries were mostly about himself and our family.

After reading all the entries, I pretended that I was laughing at him. But deep inside I felt the pain he's into. I got to understand him. I can't believe some of his entries.

I promised that I'll do my best to help him lessen the burden he feels.
I promised that he'll never feel the same when I find a work.
I promised that I continue to be her sister for life.

You know that I'm proud of you, so much. 

number 7

Highschool pa lang ako,

tumatak na sa isip ko ang number seven.

Sabi ng religion teacher ko,

seven means forever.

Mula noon I had love the number.

It became one of my favorite numbers.

I had six relationships.

Relationships which I considered as failures.

It all failed partly because of me.

I always failed my bf-gf relationships.

Masakit sa aking I never had any relationship which lasted kahit for a year lang sana.

Before, lagi kong sinasabai na my next relationship will last longer.

But, I always failed.

Ngayon, I'm really into the idea na

hindi ko na kailangang paabutin pa sa pito.

I chose to live on my own. Once I told my friend na

hindi trip o kalokohan ang pinagsasasabi ko.

I'm serious. I had lots of reason.

And alam kong hindi nila maiintindihan,

kasi wala sila sa kalagayan ko.

I decided that I would refuse, prevent, and avoid to love someone.

I decided to never love somebody.

I decided not to have  Mr. Siyete.

and they lived happily ever after will never be into reality for my story.

to papa God

Dearest God,
I am praying for amazingPillow.
Sana po alisin mawala na ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.
Sana maging masaya na siya.
Sana maging masaya na ang puso niya.
She deserves to be happy.
Amen.

simply YOU

’cause you’re amazing

just the way you are

and when you smile,

the whole world stops and stares for a while

‘cause you’re amazing

just the way you are…

It may seem ironic sa gusto kong mangyari,

pero I’m still wishing na sana may humarana sa’kin ng kantang ‘to.

Impossible to happen, right?

miss ko na...

10.24.10

11:05PM

 

I miss my facebook and gmail account.

I miss my blog.

I miss reading braveheart and bagonglangit.

I miss their very inspiring and amazing posts.

I miss my textMATES.

I miss the kwentuhan times.

I miss the morning and evening hugs.

I simply miss bff and maya.

Miss ko na kayo.

Sorry. I wasn’t texting these past few days. I miss you both.

motherlyLOVE

10.24.10

10:35PM

Announcement of winners.

I was expecting who would be the winner based on the Q&A portion. 

I was almost teary-eyed because the event was about to end.

I was really glad when Mr.Maurag grabbed the title.

I’m proud of and happy for him.

I accidentally saw his mother beside the main stage.

I saw her wiping those tears.

I approached and congratulated her.

I felt how proud she was for her son.

I felt happiness.

celebratingTEARS

10.24.10

9:54PM

I want to celebrate the opportunity given to me. But I have no one to celebrate it with, neither with myself. I guess I can’t find a reason to rejoice it. My friends and some of Gabay’s staff congratulated me for the successful event, but why can’t I be happy for myself. I want to be proud of myself but I simply can’t.

Just this morning, I should have been a participant for the amazing race 2, but I decided not to join for I had a heavy heart. I was too depressed last night. I didn’t bother to eat nor drink a glass of water before going to bed. Failure. I am a failure, that was on my mind last night. 9 in the morning, I was still in bed. Mama contacted me for the second time. I answered my phone, and heard her angry voice demanding me and my brother to go home. She ended the conversation when I told her we can’t go home yet. I burst into tears. I became more depressed. My heart was filled with so much loneliness. I didn’t control my tears. I was too emotional that I even questioned myself why my parents can’t understand what we are doing. Buti pa parents ng candidates kagabi, so proud of their sons and daughters, pero ako, binibigyan ko pa ng sama ng loob ang parents ko. I tried to be okay that morning for I have to be in school. I tried to be happy and never showed them how hurt I am.

I just felt it :(

10.24.10

9:37PM

I was home. I felt better. I thought I would forget a while, but then someone texted me. It’s as if he was blaming me for what happened. I was hurt, again. I was teary-eyed. I didn’t let those tears fall for I was home. I was hurt. I am really hurt.

10.24.10

9:46PM

I guess I was really wrong for what I did. I should be the one to be blamed. I should’ve consulted those who have the know-how. Or maybe I shouldn’t have helped at all. I had no hidden agenda or bad intentions. All I really wanted was to help and participate. I never thought this would happen. I never thought of this issue. It degraded me as a person. Nanliliit na ako sa mga naririnig ko. Ang baba na nang tingin ko sa sarili ko. Gabay’s credibility is at stake because of me. I really don’t know what to do. I am scared of what might happen. I’m really afraid of the thoughts I have now.