celebratingTEARS

10.24.10

9:54PM

I want to celebrate the opportunity given to me. But I have no one to celebrate it with, neither with myself. I guess I can’t find a reason to rejoice it. My friends and some of Gabay’s staff congratulated me for the successful event, but why can’t I be happy for myself. I want to be proud of myself but I simply can’t.

Just this morning, I should have been a participant for the amazing race 2, but I decided not to join for I had a heavy heart. I was too depressed last night. I didn’t bother to eat nor drink a glass of water before going to bed. Failure. I am a failure, that was on my mind last night. 9 in the morning, I was still in bed. Mama contacted me for the second time. I answered my phone, and heard her angry voice demanding me and my brother to go home. She ended the conversation when I told her we can’t go home yet. I burst into tears. I became more depressed. My heart was filled with so much loneliness. I didn’t control my tears. I was too emotional that I even questioned myself why my parents can’t understand what we are doing. Buti pa parents ng candidates kagabi, so proud of their sons and daughters, pero ako, binibigyan ko pa ng sama ng loob ang parents ko. I tried to be okay that morning for I have to be in school. I tried to be happy and never showed them how hurt I am.